Ending a Relationship with someone you truly loved is the worst thing people ever experience. Not only is it emotionally exhausting, but also physically. You can't eat, you can't sleep, you can't concentrate. You can't function normally. As a person, who's still grieving a very unhealthy relationship, I can't help but wonder what's the worst after a Breakup?
The breakup itself is excruciating
I remember when I had to say "I don't want to ever see you again". It wasn't as it is always described in books, when the only thing you do is cry. It was just before midnight when I said it and left his house.
I was meant to go home, but instead, I was just standing on one of the main streets in Sheffield. I wasn't crying, I wasn't even thinking about what had just happened. Just standing, unable to move. I was in such a shock, it paralysed me. I imagine it must've looked funny for people, passing by. Just a lonely girl, staring into space. I don't know how long I was there and I still don't know how I got home.
What came after the 'end stage' is even worse
I guess one of the most unpleasant feelings is the emptiness that engulfs us after a breakup. In my case, so many things have changed in the last couple of months. And it's so hard to face them when I lost not only a friend but also my "happy place".
Every time I was with him, I felt like we were in our own bubble of happiness, where problems couldn't reach us. It was a time for me to take a break from the world. When life was too much to handle, I was just seeing him and suddenly I could breathe again. Now, I need to learn how to deal with struggles on a regular basis rather than just leave them for later.
Everything reminds you of the past
Another thing most people find very annoying is saying goodbye to things you liked, just because they remind you of that person. I can't listen to some of my favourite songs. I even can't force myself to listen to them, even though I used to love them. Safe to say that Just friends by G-Eazy will never return to my playlist.
If some of a song's lyrics remind me of him, I instantly stop playing that song - which is sometimes hard to explain to my friends. But I simply want to avoid unnecessary pain. It's the same with places. Once, I walked into one of the pubs we frequented and I just felt like it was full of ghosts of the past. This place wasn't nice anymore. It was a reminder of how it used to be.
Guys just don't get it
But what I found the most frustrating is that often guys just don't get how women may feel. They don't seem to comprehend the situation. They try to play it cool. But how can you be casual if you're still hurting? I still get Snapchats from him and every time his name pops up on my phone screen, my heart skips a beat.
As silly as it sounds, that second before I open it lasts forever. Because I'm so scared of what I might see. Will it be a picture of him and his new girlfriend? Because why not, he just wants to keep it casual. It's not even like I don't want him to be happy. I just don't want to witness his happiness, I don't want to know where he's been or where he's going to. Most importantly I don't want to see who he is with now. I've told him that so many times it's getting boring. Yet he still doesn't understand what he's done to me and how his actions may still affect me.
So what is the worst after a breakup? I've come to the realisation there's no simple answer to that question. The list could go on and on.
Especially when everyone heals in their own way. The truth is that breakups are nasty. Simple as that. The grieving process is long and ridiculously slow. But the pain goes away eventually and you come back to life.
