5 Top Tips to survive in the Modern Workplace

N.B. The following article should be taken in jest!

The Modern Workplace is a stressful and difficult environment to be in. Here are 5 top tips for surviving it.

1. Remember to stay active in the office environment

Apparently, sedentary office Work (aka your typical 9 -5) is worse for your health than smoking! However, the good news is that an hour's brisk exercise offsets the health risks. Therefore, you need to spend an hour of your working day, randomly running around the office to stay active: it is necessary for your health!

2. Remember you need to know all the current trends

This means that you need to spend at least an hour in your working day checking social media: Twitter, Facebook etc. You also need to spend time finding out which videos have just gone viral on YouTube. In other words, the modern workplace requires you to watch random videos of animals doing silly and/or cute things. It is very important to keep up to date with all the latest happenings in the world.

3. Remember you are a part of "the knowledge economy"

This means you need to know a lot of things and need to spend a lot of time researching. Thus, it is imperative that in the modern workplace, you spend at least an hour looking at a random selection of entries on Wikipedia.

4. Remember you are a part of "the creative economy"

In the modern workplace, it is not only important that the Workforce is healthy, up to date on all the latest trends, and knowledgeable: the workforce also needs to be able to come up with creative ideas and solutions. Thus, it is very important that you dedicate a part of your working day to your art, whether it is: playing the guitar, painting, drawing or writing Haikus. This will stimulate your creative drive, and help you to come up with those innovative ideas and solutions. 

5. Remember you are a member of a united, collaborative and supportive team

OK, well you are probably actually a member of a dysfunctional, disorganised and back-stabbing team. But remember it could be worse; for example if your workplace happened to involve you being a member of the Parliamentary Labour Party.