Around the Christmas period, single people or even those unhappy in their relationship feel something which I call Christmas Relationship Blues (Or CRB for short). Those moments where you wander through the Christmas lights and stare at the cute couples sharing intimate moments and think, "If only that was me".
CRB can strike at strange moments, such as being the local shop, off to buy an ice cream tub for one (but meant for five), and seeing couples shopping for their festive meal, snuggling up next to each other. You on the other hand are in the knowledge that you will be snuggling up to your two best friends Ben and Jerrys tonight watching those romantic films and throwing the spoon at the screen when the hero and heroine kiss, screaming sentences such as "There is no such thing as love!"..
Then something amazing happens. Your works Christmas party arrives, and you feel a shimmer of hope, maybe you could find your Christmas person tonight! You throw on your shiniest clothes, a little more skin on show than you would normally, but hey! It's Christmas right? You wipe on some glitter thinking you look cool, and then instantly regret it, then jump into your taxi for your love life to begin.
At the party you see the usual suspects. The party animal drinking heavily, the moody couple bickering in the corner, the karaoke queen who is currently trying to make your eardrums bleed with their version of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, and then over by the bar there they are.
The one you overlooked in the office because of that terrible mono-brow, and that awful breathe reminiscent of your sloppy school dinners and you smile. How did you not see them all of this time? After a few beers and god knows how many shots with slutty Sheila who was now making out with someone's boyfriend, you sidle over in your sexiest manner (which lets be honest, is never sexy), and smile..
The next day you are an item, making plans for Christmas, shopping for your presents, cutely arguing over whether you get quality street or roses, hanging the stocking and going at it like rabbits wearing your Christmas slippers. It's a breeze. You finally have your Christmas person.
Though when boxing day hits you start to stumble. They bought you a spatula for Christmas, which was funny yesterday, but now the Christmas high has dropped you now see as ridiculous (especially as they got the expensive gift they oh so subtly dropped hints about off you). They chose the roses when you specifically told them that it was quality street that made you happy. You start to notice small things when cuddled up to them on the sofa, such as the way that they breathe is so loud, and they don't shut their mouth when they eat. Whilst watching the food circle their mouth while they eat you notice that they have a mole on their nose and suddenly you can't take your eyes off it. It enrages you and it seems to get bigger and bigger. Then they break out the monopoly set.
All hell breaks loose.
You start to realise, you have a middle aged partner, going through a mid life crisis, cuddled up to you, that you actually cannot stand. Even the way they speak annoys you, and you remember how much you used to hate them at the office.
Do you know why? The Christmas Relationship blues has ended, and you are now in the Boxing Day Realisation. You no longer feel like the John Lewis Penguin , looking for love and feeling alone, you now crave the days when you could sit in your pyjamas and eat Ben and Jerrys, the days where you could sit on the toilet for hours doing nothing but playing candy crush, but no. You gave in.
I know it is hard at Christmas to feel the wrath of Christmas couples, but don't give in to temptation. You may want a partner shaped present under your tree this holiday, but unless he is Johnny Depp, or she is Scarlett Johansson I would reconsider.