“They’ve taken all our money and our fish through the years”, sang UKIP member Mandy Boylett in February 2016. To the slow beat of Brit-pop hit ‘Three Lions,’ Boylett performed a narcissistic ode to the tantalisingly Europhobic tabloid headlines that have appeared in the two decades since the original 1996 football anthem.

Negations are downbeat

Not that a cultural movement was anticipated. Nor was a crisis of political, social, cultural, economic and environmental proportions. So, now that Michel Barnier and David Davis have announced that negations are downbeat, it is arguably time for all sides to up the tempo. Fortunately for everyone in this seemingly doomed political nightclub, a plethora of #Brexit parodies await your discovery.

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We should have seen it coming; the fake sequins, nationalistic narcissism, and infighting. The latter was the backstory to Grassroots Out (also appropriately styled as ‘GO’), a now forgotten unofficial campaign group for the Leave vote - not completely filled with grassroots supporters.

Yet, Boylett’s GO Brexit song did ‘what it said on the tin.’ To UKIP minds, there could be no doubt that more than 700,000 video views swayed the “fantastic majority" of the Leave campaign. Or perhaps it was the lyrics; a dizzying mix of symbolism and political point-scoring.

Thirty seconds in, and Boylett says there are “scare stories” that we have “seen before”. I assume she wasn't starting with her own song, which painted an overly gloomy picture of European politics even before the first chorus.

Boylett’s double-act pushes the political identity button with the lyrics “Our flag’s red, white and blue…More than just a star”.

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Fortunately for viewers, there are three union flags on show, to deploy some banal nationalism on us all.

I now wonder if Theresa May got her “red, white and blue Brexit” plan from this very line. Perhaps Boylett would recommend her other YouTube offerings, with view-counts higher than the votes she received as a parliamentary candidate for Stockton at the 2015 general election. May could certainly do with some step aerobics destress classes or consider a future career with a lesson on how to audition for "Big Brother" - all available on the YouTube page of one single UKIP member. Hardly the most respectable bunch of politicians.

Fast-forward 18 months and Brexit is a process spinning haphazardly on a pre-1973 vinyl player coated in stickers of Spitfire planes and British bulldogs. As Peter Parsons sings, the negotiations are “going around in circles”. No matter the outcome, Parsons says “we’ll sing this song, and we’ll be strong”. Here lies the last option if EU-UK negotiations collapse before next year.

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Now, the pensioner picks up the cultural baton of the Brexiters, by democratically representing the new mean age of those who genuinely believe that Brexit is good for the UK. The improved photoshop elements and graphics indicate that Brexit, in all forms, can benefit from those presumed windfalls of international right-wing funding.

Though we applaud Parsons for appearing at the European Parliament on four occasions in his music video. It is at least one more than Nigel Farage ever managed.

Beyond 2019, London’s tourist gift shops will surely jump to the tune of “no Juncker from Juncker,” chasing Parsons for his nauseating union flag wardrobe collection.

But keep the gear for Eurovision 2018, if YouTube user ‘Elektrik’ would have you believe. Their electric ballad entitled ‘Drinking EU Tears, UK Eurovision Song Contest, 2018’ is so atmospheric that you might take the lyrics about “lies” and “global peers” seriously. As the chorus says, “cheers!” A pint-wielding Farage will greet you on the way to nul points.

For pro-Europeans, paracetamol is not enough to counteract the dreaded disco above. Short and punchy - much like an espresso - is ‘F**K Brexit’. The urban beat of immigrant rapper Bricka chants “F*ck Brexit we ain’t gonna exit,” whilst showcasing the best of Sports Direct loungewear and Polsi Skelp vodka. Bricka also wipes his a*se with the Daily Mail.

Then there is the Billy Joel parody, ‘We didn't vote for Brexit’. Aptly produced to the tune of ‘We didn't start the fire,’ with some London-Remainer cockney vocals and screenshot definitions of ‘double standards, as the vocalist declares “48 to 52. Farage said that wouldn't do.”Nor will Brexit’s musical output do. Taken for a sign of Brexit madness and a society unequipped to use video editing tools, or make up its mind. #European Union #Music Parody